00:00 Stephen Colbert WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW. 00:01 I'M YOUR HOST STEPHEN COLBERT. 00:07 HAPPY ST. COMEY'S DAY, EVERYBODY. 00:09 OF COURSE, EVERYBODY CELEBRATES COMEY DAY IN THEIR OWN WAY. 00:14 WE'RE KIND OF TRADITIONALISTS AROUND HERE. 00:16 WE CELEBRATED BY WATCHING TV AND WRITING JOKES AS FAST AS WE CAN. 00:19 EVERYBODY WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO THE FORMER FBI DIRECTOR TESTIFYING ABOUT ALL THE JUICY DETAILS OF HIS MEETINGS WITH DONALD TRUMP. 00:28 BECAUSE REMEMBER, COMEY WROTE EVERYTHING DOWN. 00:32 And all his memos are going to be collected in his new children's book, James and the Guilty Orange. 00:39 And now, heartwarming. 00:43 It's a lost masterpiece. 00:47 Tim Burton's going to make a movie of it. 00:48 And now, your former FBI director, standing 6'8", out of the University of Chicago, and out of a job, James Comey! 01:05 And now, of course, this is extremely important testimony. 01:11 So first, they had to swear him in. 01:14 Soundbite Please stand. 01:22 Stephen Colbert Again, he's like six foot eight. 01:25 Let's go back up here. 01:26 Comey. 01:28 Comey. 01:31 Sorry, my eyes are up here. 01:33 My eyes are up here. 01:35 Comey opened his testimony by talking about why he thinks he lost his job. 01:41 James Comey When I was appointed FBI director in 2013, I understood that I served at the pleasure of the president. 01:49 Stephen Colbert And then when I read the Russia dossier, I saw what gave the president pleasure, and I thought, oh, no. 01:54 I'm a... 02:05 ALLEGEDLY. 02:05 SO COMEY UNDERSTOOD TRUMP HAD THE RIGHT TO FIRE HIM, BUT HE DID NOT BUY THE OFFICIAL EXPLANATION THAT IT WAS BECAUSE OF HOW HE TREATED CANDIDATE HILLARY CLINTON. 02:16 James Comey THAT DIDN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME FOR A WHOLE BUNCH OF REASONS, INCLUDING THE TIME AND ALL THE WATER THAT HAD GONE UNDER THE BRIDGE SINCE THOSE HARD DECISIONS THAT HAD TO BE MADE. 02:25 Stephen Colbert OH, I REMEMBER THAT BRIDGE. 02:27 I THINK IT'S THE ONE THEY THREW HILLARY OFF OF TO SEE IF SHE WAS A WITCH. 02:32 AND... AND REMEMBER... 02:36 AND REMEMBER, SHE HIT THE WATER. 02:37 SHE LOST THE ELECTION, SO THAT MEANS... 02:42 THANK YOU. 02:48 THAT'S OUR SUPREME COURT IN ACTION. 02:49 AND COMEY WASN'T THAT UPSET WHEN HE LOST HIS JOB, BUT HE DIDN'T LIKE IT WHEN TRUMP WENT AFTER HIS TRUE LOVE. 02:58 James Comey AND ALTHOUGH THE LAW REQUIRED NO REASON AT ALL TO FIRE AN FBI DIRECTOR, 03:03 THE ADMINISTRATION THEN CHOSE TO DEFAME ME, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, THE FBI, BY SAYING THAT THE ORGANIZATION WAS IN DISARRAY, THAT IT WAS POORLY LED, THAT THE WORKFORCE HAD LOST CONFIDENCE IN ITS LEADER. 03:18 THOSE WERE LIES, PLAIN AND SIMPLE. 03:21 Stephen Colbert THAT WOULD BE A GOOD NAME FOR A TRUMP FAMILY LAW FIRM. 03:25 LIES, PLAIN AND SIMPLE. 03:38 AND THAT'S ONE OF THE BIGGEST BOMBSHELLS TODAY. 03:41 COMEY FLAT OUT SAYING, THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES LIED. 03:45 IN FACT, COMEY SAID THIS WHEN ASKED WHY HE TOOK SUCH DETAILED NOTES. 03:50 James Comey A COMBINATION OF THINGS. 03:52 I THINK THE CIRCUMSTANCES, THE SUBJECT MATTER, AND THE PERSON I WAS INTERACTING WITH. 03:57 Stephen Colbert SO THE ONLY THINGS THAT RAISED RED FLAGS ABOUT HIS MEETINGS WITH TRUMP WERE WHERE, WHY, WHAT, AND WHO. 04:05 WEN WAS FINE. 04:06 ANYTHING SPECIFIC, SIR, ABOUT THE PERSON YOU WERE INTERACTING WITH? 04:10 AND PLEASE BE HONEST. 04:12 James Comey I WAS HONESTLY CONCERNED THAT HE MIGHT LIE ABOUT THE NATURE OF OUR MEETING. 04:15 HE THOUGHT TRUMP MIGHT LIE? 04:17 Stephen Colbert THAT'S RAZOR SHARP FBI INSTINCT IN ACTION RIGHT THERE. 04:24 FELLAS, LOOK. 04:30 LOOK, FELLAS, I DON'T WANT TO GET OUT OVER MY SKIES HERE, BUT I THINK THIS DEAD BODY MIGHT NOT BE ALIVE. 04:36 OF COURSE, WITH AN ACCUSATION LIKE THAT, YOU CAN'T LET THAT GO UNANSWERED. 04:44 ANY RESPONSE FROM THE WHITE HOUSE? 04:46 I CAN DEFINITIVELY SAY THE PRESIDENT'S NOT A LIAR. 04:49 OKAY. 04:51 OKAY. 04:53 UH, BUT THAT'S SARAH HUCKABEE SANDERS. 04:56 UH, DOES THE PRESIDENT HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY? 04:57 I'M NOT A CROOK. 04:59 OH, WOW. 05:01 I GOTTA SAY, HE LOOKS GOOD. 05:07 TRUMP LOOKS REALLY GOOD THERE. 05:09 HE'S LOST WEIGHT AND MAKEUP. 05:13 OF COURSE, THIS WHOLE THING, INCLUDING HIS FIRING, IS REALLY ABOUT RUSSIAN INTERFERENCE IN OUR 2016 ELECTION. 05:21 THE PRESIDENT HAS CALLED THIS WHOLE STORY FAKE NEWS. 05:25 WHAT SAY YOU? 05:26 Soundbite Do you have any doubt that the Russian government was behind the intrusions in the DNC and the DCCC systems and the subsequent leaks of that information? 05:37 No, no doubt. 05:38 Do you have any doubt that officials of the Russian government were fully aware of these activities? 05:43 No doubt. 05:44 Stephen Colbert What's your favorite 90s ska punk band? 05:47 No doubt. 05:50 Okay. 05:51 Yeah. 05:52 Pretty good. 05:53 I go with that. 05:55 OKAY, SEEMS CLEAR ENOUGH, BUT IS THERE ANY METAPHORICAL WAY YOU COULD EXPLAIN YOUR LACK OF DOUBT? 06:03 James Comey There should be no fuzz on this whatsoever. 06:05 The Russians interfered in our election during the 2016 cycle. 06:11 They did it with purpose, they did it with sophistication, they did it with overwhelming technical efforts, and it was an active measures campaign driven from the top of that government. 06:21 There is no fuzz on that. 06:23 Stephen Colbert There it is. 06:23 The Russians hacked us, and the only way there could be less fuzz on that is if the Brazilians hacked us. 06:32 Comey used a metaphor to explain his refusal to enter what he called a patronage relationship with the president. 07:02 James Comey THE STATUE OF JUSTICE HAS A BLINDFOLD ON BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PEEKING OUT TO SEE WHETHER YOUR PATRON IS PLEASED OR NOT WITH WHAT YOU'RE DOING? 07:09 Stephen Colbert OKAY, BUT TO BE FAIR, YOU KNOW TRUMP HAS NEVER LOOKED ABOVE HER NECK. 07:14 AND THE SENATORS DID NOT HOLD BACK WITH THEIR INQUIRY. 07:19 Soundbite HERE'S THE QUESTION. 07:21 YOU'RE BIG, YOU'RE STRONG. 07:23 Stephen Colbert CAN YOU OPEN THIS JAR OF RASPBERRY PRESERVES FOR ME? 07:34 THEN COMEY DROPPED REALLY ONE OF THE BIGGEST BOMBSHELLS OF THE HEARING THAT HE SHARED HIS OWN MEMOS WITH THE PRESS. 07:42 Soundbite AND FINALLY, DID YOU SHOW COPIES OF YOUR MEMOS TO ANYONE OUTSIDE OF THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE? 07:52 James Comey Yes, I asked a friend of mine to share the content of the memo with a reporter. 07:57 Didn't do it myself for a variety of reasons. 07:59 I was worried the media was camping at the end of my driveway at that point. 08:02 I worried it would be like feeding seagulls at the beach if it was I who gave it to the media. 08:08 Stephen Colbert That's kind of insulting to the media, that they would never stop coming back if you gave them this thing. 08:16 Do they have a response? 08:19 Of course, they spent a lot of the hearing talking about Comey's one-on-one dinner with Trump. 08:26 How did that come about again? 08:27 He wanted to have dinner because he wanted to stay on. 08:30 I think he asked for the dinner. 08:31 Okay, Director Comey, is that how you remember it? 08:35 James Comey He called me at my desk at lunchtime and asked me, was I free for dinner that night? 08:41 Okay, but you don't have any details, do you? 08:44 And then he said, how about 6.30? 08:46 And I said, whatever works for you, sir. 08:48 And then I hung up and had to call my wife and break a date with her. 08:51 I was supposed to take her out to dinner that night. 08:54 That's one of the all-time great excuses for breaking a date. 08:58 In retrospect, I love spending time with my wife. 09:01 I wish I'd been there that night. 09:03 Stephen Colbert On the plus side, if you hadn't gone to dinner with him that night, you wouldn't have so much time to spend with your wife now. 09:10 So. 09:13 SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR WIFE. 09:18 SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR WIFE. 09:19 I'LL APPLAUD FOR THAT. 09:20 THE WHOLE THING CONCLUDED WITH JOHN MCCAIN WHO PROVED HE IS A MAVERICK WHEN IT COMES TO BEING ABLE TO UNDERSTAND HIM. 09:29 Soundbite I think that the American people have a whole lot of questions out there, particularly since you just emphasized the role that Russia played. 09:37 And obviously, she was a candidate for president at the time, so she was clearly involved in this whole situation where fake news, as you just described it, big deal. 09:52 TOOK PLACE. 09:54 IN OTHER WORDS, WE ARE COMPLETE, THE INVESTIGATION OF ANYTHING THAT FORMER SECRETARY CLINTON HAD TO DO WITH THE CAMPAIGN IS OVER AND WE DON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT IT ANYMORE? 10:05 James Comey WITH RESPECT TO SECRETARY, I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED, SENATOR.