00:00 Stephen Colbert WELCOME. 00:01 WELCOME, EVERYBODY DOWN HERE, UP THERE, OUT THERE, AROUND THE WORLD. 00:06 WELCOME TO THE LATE SHOW. 00:07 I'M YOUR HOST, STEPHEN COLBERT. 00:09 WELL, THE BIG NEWS, THE BIG NEWS OUT OF WASHINGTON, D.C., JUST THIS AFTERNOON, AS THE WHITE HOUSE FINALLY RELEASED TRUMP'S TAX PLAN. 00:20 THAT PLAN NEVER RELEASED TRUMP'S TAXES. 00:24 ANYTHING? 00:25 HAVE YOU RELEASED THEM YET? 00:26 NO? 00:26 NO? 00:27 SO FAR, SO FAR, ALL HE'S RELEASED IS HIS 1040 . 00:32 AND TO EXPLAIN THE PLAN, TRUMP SENT OUT HIS TEAM OF WORKING-CLASS, BLUE-COLLAR, FORMER GOLDMAN SAX EXECUTIVES, GARY COHEN AND STEVE MINUTION. 00:46 Soundbite We are going to cut taxes and simplify the tax code by taking the current seven tax brackets we have today and reducing them to only three brackets. 00:57 A 10% bracket, a 25% bracket, and a 35% bracket. 01:03 Stephen Colbert Oh, yeah, baby, fewer brackets. 01:05 It's really gonna simplify your office pool during tax madness. 01:10 Of course, look at the brackets. 01:12 You can tell it's poor versus middle class and rich versus nobody, because they win. 01:19 Now, the Trump administration has a very strong rationale for simplifying the tax code. 01:25 Soundbite In 1935, we had a one-page tax form consisting of 34 lines with two pages of instructions. 01:32 Today, the basic 1040 form has 79 lines and 211 pages of instructions. 01:40 Stephen Colbert Of course, 1935 was the height of the Great Depression, so the two-page form was just page one, do you have money? 01:49 AND PAGE TWO WAS SO YOU WOULD HAVE SOMETHING TO EAT. 01:57 BUT TRUMP'S MADE HIS PLAN EVEN SIMPLER BECAUSE IT'S JUST ONE PAGE OF DOUBLE-SPACED BULLET POINTS WITH SOME HEFTY MARGINS. 02:08 I'M GOING TO SAY IT'S NOT REALLY CONFIDENCE BUILDING WHEN YOUR TAX REFORM PLAN IS HALF AS LONG AS THE INSTRUCTIONS TO SET UP A VITAMIX. 02:17 Hey, speaking of Donald Trump, you guys remember how Trump and the Russians have got something going on that we don't know about? 02:26 And maybe the Russians have incriminating information on our president and they're running him like a foreign agent and how members of his team were caught on tape by the FBI talking to known Russian operatives after promising they never met them. 02:39 Remember that? 02:42 Crosstalk Yeah. 02:47 Stephen Colbert Well, there's more. 02:49 This time, it's about former national security advisor and before picture in a laxative ad, Michael Flynn. 02:57 Relax, Mike. 02:59 It'll work. 03:01 THE PRESIDENT FIRED FLYNN BACK IN FEBRUARY BECAUSE FLYNN LIED ABOUT DISCUSSING SANCTIONS WITH THE RUSSIAN AMBASSADOR BEFORE TRUMP TOOK OFFICE. 03:09 TURNS OUT THAT WAS JUST THE TIP OF THE CORRUPTION BURG. 03:13 BECAUSE WE LEARNED YESTERDAY THAT FLYNN ALSO DIDN'T DISCLOSE THAT HE HAD BEEN PAID MORE THAN $65,000 BY COMPANIES LINKED TO RUSSIA IN 2015, INCLUDING A $45,000 SPEAKING FEE FROM THE KREMLIN-CONTROLLED TV NETWORK RUSSIA TODAY. 03:27 I BELIEVE WE HAVE SOME FOOTAGE. 03:29 I KNOW, IT'S UPSETTING. 03:30 IT'S UPSETTING. 03:31 WAIT UNTIL YOU SEE. 03:32 WE HAVE SOME FOOTAGE OF FLYNN'S SPEECH. 03:43 THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE, SIR. 03:46 IT'S NOT LIKE FLYNN WAS A DOUBLE AGENT, THOUGH, WORKING FOR RUSSIA. 03:50 TURNS OUT HE WAS A TRIPLE AGENT, BECAUSE HE WAS ALSO WORKING FOR TURKEY, WHICH PAID HIM MORE THAN $500,000. 03:57 LOOK, WHEN YOU'RE A NATIONAL SECURITY ADVISOR, YOU'VE GOT TO DISCLOSE FOREIGN PAYMENTS, OTHERWISE YOU END UP WITH SITUATIONS LIKE THIS. 04:05 Soundbite GENERAL FLYNN, SHOULD WE BOMB TURKEY? 04:10 Stephen Colbert HOLD ON, SIR. 04:10 LET ME CHECK MY VENMO. 04:13 AND I'D HOLD OFF. 04:16 And the chairman of the House Oversight Committee, Jason Chaffetz, had what I would describe as a flaccid condemnation of Flynn's actions. 04:27 Soundbite From what you've seen so far, do you believe that Michael Flynn broke the law? 04:32 Jason Chaffetz Personally, I see no information or no data to support the notion that General Flynn complied with the law. 04:40 Stephen Colbert I HAVE SEEN NO INFORMATION OR DATA TO CONFIRM THAT FLYNN COMPLIED WITH THE LAW. 04:45 THERE IT IS. 04:45 YOU CAN'T SAY IT ANY STRONGER THAN THAT. 04:47 DARLING, I HAVE DONE THE RESEARCH, AND I SEE NO EVIDENCE THAT I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU. 04:52 THEREFORE, THE ONLY POSSIBLE CONCLUSION I CAN REACH IS, WILL YOU MARRY ME? 04:58 THEN CHAFFETZ BURROWED OVER TO GRETA VAN SUSSTREN'S NEW MSNBC SHOW TO CLARIFY. 05:05 Crosstalk TO SHORTHAND THIS, WOULD YOU SAY AFTER WHAT YOU REVIEWED TODAY THAT GENERAL FLYNN IS IN A HEAP OF TROUBLE? 05:10 Jason Chaffetz YES, YES. 05:12 CLEARLY, YOU CAN'T DO THIS. 05:15 Stephen Colbert YES, YOU CAN'T. 05:16 YOU CAN'T DO THIS. 05:18 AS GEORGE WASHINGTON SAID TO BENEDICT ARNOLD, NO FAIRSIES, BENE, YOU PROMISED TO BE ON OUR SIDE. 05:23 KNOCK IT OFF, SERIOUSLY. 05:26 JASON CHAFFETZ, PLEASE, JUST GROW A PAIR AND TELL US WHAT FLYNN DID. 05:34 GUTLESS CHARLES SCHULTZ ROUGH DRAFT. 05:39 QUICK ASIDE, QUICK ASIDE, CONGRATULATIONS TO GRETA ON HER NEW MSNBC SHOW, FOR THE RECORD. 05:46 IF YOU'LL REMEMBER, FOR YEARS, HER OLD SHOW ON FOX NEWS WAS CALLED ON THE RECORD. 05:52 BECAUSE FOR THE RECORD, SHE NO LONGER BELIEVES ANYTHING SHE SAID THAT WAS ON THE RECORD. 05:58 I LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING HER FUTURE CNN SHOW, PLEASE ERASE THE RECORD. 06:03 NOW, AS A POLITICAL OUTSIDER, IT'S TAKING DONALD TRUMP A LITTLE WHILE TO GET HIS HANDLE ON HOW STUFF WORKS IN THE NATION'S CAPITAL. 06:12 BUT THERE'S ONE PIECE OF WHITE HOUSE PROTOCOL THAT TRUMP EVIDENTLY HAS MASTERED. 06:16 BECAUSE ACCORDING TO THE ASSOCIATED PRESS, WITH THE PUSH OF A RED BUTTON PLACED ON THE RESOLUTE DESK, OH, GOD, WHAT HAPPENS WHEN HE PUSHES THE BUTTON? 06:26 A WHITE HOUSE BUTLER ARRIVES WITH A COKE FOR THE PRESIDENT. 06:30 Crosstalk HE, HE, HE, HE, HE. 06:41 Stephen Colbert THANK GOD. 06:42 I WAS WORRIED THERE. 06:43 HE'S JUST TURNING THE OVAL OFFICE INTO AN 8-YEAR-OLD'S DRAWING OF A DREAM TREE HOUSE. 06:48 Soundbite THERE'LL BE A BUTTON WHERE I GET A COKE WHEREVER I WANT, A SLIDE INTO A BALL PIT, AND BIG FOOT SLEEPS OVER AND HE TEACHES ME KARATE. 07:02 Stephen Colbert GOOD FOR HIM. 07:04 HE SHOULD HAVE SOME FUN. 07:06 THE PRESENT DESERVES TO BE REFRESHED. 07:08 THE PAWS THAT REFRESHES. 07:09 A BUTLER BRING HIM HIS COKE. 07:11 REALLY LIVING THE DREAM. 07:12 I BELIEVE WE HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH OF THE BUTLER. 07:15 THERE YOU GO. 07:25 ON SUNDAY, WE GOT SOME UNLIKELY ALLIES IN THE WAR ON TERROR WHEN THREE ISIS FIGHTERS WERE KILLED BY WILD BORES. 07:36 THAT IS BOTH SHOCKING AND NOT HALAL. 07:42 KIND OF NOT FAIR. 07:44 THEY'RE WILD PIGS. 07:46 THEY CAN'T EAT THEM BACK. 07:48 IT'S NOT FAIR. 07:48 OF COURSE, IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME ANIMALS HAVE HELPED WIN THE WAR ON TERROR. 07:53 AFTER ALL, OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS TAKEN OUT BY SEAL TEAM SIX. 07:59 HUGE NEWS IN THE WORLD OF SPORT. 08:02 Crosstalk YOU KNOW I LOVE SPORT, JOHN. 08:03 Stephen Colbert I TALK ABOUT SPORT ALL THE TIME. 08:04 ALL THE TIME, RIGHT? 08:06 IT LOOKS LIKE BASEBALL'S MIAMI MARLINS ARE GOING TO BE SOLD TO A GROUP LED BY DERRICK JETER AND JEB BUSH, OR AS THEY'RE KNOWN BY THEIR CELEBRITY COUPLE NAME, DERRICK JETER. 08:20 AND FITZ? 08:23 FITZ WORKS? 08:24 BASEBALL APPARENTLY VERY POPULAR WITH REPUBLICAN DYNASTIES BECAUSE THIS IS TRUE. 08:29 LOOK AT WHO JUST GOT EDGED OUT FROM BUYING THE TEAM, TAG ROMNEY. 08:35 I THINK THIS ISN'T FAIR. 08:37 I THINK A GUY NAMED TAG REALLY SHOULD OWN A BASEBALL TEAM. 08:41 THE SAME WAY THE KNICKS SHOULD BE OWNED BY BILLIONAIRE DUNK COOPERSON. 08:56 Soundbite Stick around.