00:00 Stephen Colbert Folks, welcome. 00:04 Welcome to The Late Show. 00:05 I'm your host, Stephen Colbert, and there have been 00:09 There have been a lot of moments in Donald Trump's brief presidency that have raised eyebrows and lowered expectations. 00:20 But I'm not entirely sure, but I'm going to guess things are really going poorly inside the White House right now because today he had his first full cabinet meeting. 00:31 Now, they usually have the full meetings earlier than this, but it was hard to schedule around all their meetings with the Russian ambassador. 00:37 But, um... 00:38 THEY GOT THAT IRONED OUT. 00:40 AND FOR THIS MEETING, VERY POPULAR GUY. 00:43 VERY POPULAR GUY. 00:45 NOW, FOR THIS MEETING, FOR THE FULL CABINET MEETING, THEY LET IN THE CAMERAS SO EVERY SINGLE PERSON AROUND THE TABLE COULD SPEAK FREELY TO THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. 00:55 JUST WHATEVER WAS ON THEIR MIND. 00:57 GOOD OR BAD, JUST THE HONEST, UNVARNISHED TRUTH. 01:02 AND, FUNNY THING, THEY 01:03 They all said this. 01:05 Soundbite Mr. President, I'm privileged to be here, deeply honored, and I want to thank you for keeping your commitment to the American workers. 01:14 Stephen Colbert On behalf of the entire senior staff around you, Mr. President, we thank you for the opportunity and the blessing that you've given us to serve your agenda. 01:22 Mr. President, what an incredible honor it is to lead the Department of Health and Human Services at this pivotal time under your leadership. 01:29 Soundbite Mr. President, thank you for the honor to serve the country. 01:32 It's a great privilege you've given me. 01:34 And Mr. President, all of us here want to thank you for having such a big, beautiful behind so all of us in the cabinet can just smooch it at the same time. 01:44 Stephen Colbert There's one member of the administration who appreciates Donald Trump on a whole other level that no one else even approaches. 01:56 Donald Trump AND WHEN I RAN, IT WAS MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN, AND THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING, BELIEVE ME. 02:01 WE'RE DOING IT AT A MUCH FASTER PACE THAN ANYONE THOUGHT. 02:04 I WILL SAY THAT NEVER HAS THERE BEEN A PRESIDENT, WITH FEW EXCEPTIONS. 02:09 IN THE CASE OF FDR, HE HAD A MAJOR DEPRESSION TO HANDLE. 02:13 Stephen Colbert MR. PRESIDENT, DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHORT. 02:16 SINCE YOU GOT ELECTED, MANY PEOPLE HAVE A MAJOR DEPRESSION TO HANDLE. 02:25 AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE. 02:30 BUT I, PERSONALLY, I CANNOT GET OVER THESE FAWNING CABINET MEMBERS. 02:35 COME ON, THESE ARE ADULTS. 02:36 SOME OF THEM ARE BILLIONAIRES AND THEY'RE JUST HAPPY TO HAVE THEIR LEASHES YANKED AS THE CAMERAS ROLL FOR THE DEAR LEADER. 02:43 I DID NOT KNOW THAT TRUMP HAS SUCH A STRICT PLEASE CHECK YOUR BALLS AT THE DOOR POLICY. 02:50 AND THIS IS IN ALL, YES, DIPPING RIGHT IN THERE. 02:57 This is, honestly, this is next level weird. 03:02 This is an unprecedented public stroke fest for an emotionally frail man, okay? 03:09 That is absolutely chilling. 03:11 Right, Mark? 03:12 Right, boss, it's absolutely true. 03:13 Whatever you say, it's an honor, sir. 03:26 No more camera time for him. 03:28 Now...